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*An interruption to my normal blog
It’s been nine years exactly since the world lost an Emmy award winning reporter, a man who interviewed five presidents, countless dignitaries, and told stories with integrity and passion, a man whose dedication to education was unmatched. It’s been nine years exactly since I lost my dad.
To me, it feels like these nine years have gone by in the blink of an eye, and at times I wonder how I’ve made it thus far without his brilliance as my guide. However, losing him too soon has given me the courage to tackle the unimaginable, and he has continued to influence me for the last 3,285 days.
When you lose someone too soon, you become overwhelmed by compassion and empathy for others because your perspective on the world changes. I sometimes say that one of my weaknesses is my inability to let people go, understanding the root from which this weakness stems. I’m terrified of losing the ones I love. While I recognize the pitfalls of caring too much for others or perhaps wearing my heart on my sleeve, this flaw in turn strengthens my connections with people and has filled me with the joy of investing in others, something I would never change.
When you lose someone too soon, you never truly heal from it, you simply grow from it. Sometimes I think that, by now, I should be over it. It has been nine years after all. Premature death fills your everyday with reminders of the person’s absence. So, I cried when I moved into my dorm as I watched everyone’s dads carry their boxes. I cried when I went to see “Mary Poppins Returns” in theatres because “Mary Poppins” was the first Broadway show my dad took me to, and he should have been sitting next to me. On my wedding day I will be hyperaware of the person missing as I walk down the aisle. I carried my own boxes, saw the movie with my family, and I’ll have the strongest woman in my life give me away. I smile because he put me in cotillion lessons, stressed the importance of education in every facet of life, and taught me grace and poise so that now, on my own, I choose to carry with me his values.
When you lose someone too soon, you will continue to give that person life. This winter break I visited with three of my dad’s closest friends on separate occasions. Nine years later, and these people continue to maintain a part of my life. Every time I am in New York I see his best friend from kindergarten. As time passes, the number of people in your life who knew the person begins to dwindle, and you fear they won’t be remembered. Instead, you tell stories to give your friends a clear picture of them wishing that they could have met. I will never be able to thank the people who have continued to give my dad life by including me in theirs.
4. When you lose someone too soon, you learn to value life. I care so deeply about those who surround me. I’m unbothered by insignificant issues, the latest drama, or minor setbacks. I value my time with people. I say I love you to my family every single day. I seek purpose in everything I do because I’ve seen firsthand the immense impact simple actions make. I take life so seriously, but I know it is because we don’t get to decide when we go. So, I watch every sunrise and sunset, I write letters to tell friends how much they mean to me, and I firmly believe that any dream is possible. Living is much more than existing.
It has been nine years since I lost my someone too soon, and the healing process for each person doesn’t fit one mold. Some questions will never be answered, and perhaps that is harder than never hearing their voice or celebrating the holidays with that person again. It is easy to play victim when the world throws you what seems to be an endless number of curveballs, but we are more resilient than we give ourselves credit. Though it doesn’t fill the void in your heart, when you lose someone too soon, you gain insight, strength, and passion unexplainable to many. You are are not defined by loss but shaped by it. When I lost someone too soon, I spent nine years growing, never doubting he was still with me every step of the way.
I love you forever, dad. I promise to change the world.